The Gradlife - Where is this going (and how to tell if you need a break)

The Gradlife - Where is this going (and how to tell if you need a break) by Lydia Randall ‘Where is this going?’It’s a question that you’ll probably ask yourself 100 times this year.Whether it’s re-evaluating your relationship goals, feeling like you aren’t on the same page, or you think you’ve been on the rocks for a while, it never gets any easier to answer.But before you read any further, I would like to assure you that this isn’t a ‘lonely-hearts’ column. And, unfortunately, I can’t guarantee any advice on guiding you through a breakup.What I can help you with, however, is getting to grips with where your career is headed â€" whether it’s in relation to your studies, your degree, life after graduation or even your job prospects.And that’s almost the same thing, right?Quite often people can feel apprehensive when thinking about such a direct question mainly because it requires you to have an open and honest conversation with yourself. Something that can often be easier said than done.However, shying away from it is ne ver the answer. Instead, try and embrace the problem, hit it head-on and take the time to think about why you really feel the spark has gone.Am I where I need to be?How far am I from my desired destination?What do I need to do in order to achieve my goals?Believe me, asking yourself these questions to reassess where things are or seem to be going can really make a difference â€" not to mention help you work out whether you’re still on course.And if all else fails? It’s time to consider the real relationship clichés…‘We need a break’When was the last time you had one? I mean a proper one.  It’s surprisingly easy for us to become so overworked that we burn out, often overlooking the signs that indicate we’re in desperate need of a break.Lunch becomes dinner, dinner becomes breakfast. Breakfast becomes another meal, which you’ve lost track of because you can’t remember the last time you ate one.Other signs you’re struggling include insomnia, lack of concentration, illness and chronic fatigue, and if untreated this can eventually develop into more serious complications such as anxiety and depression.If you feel you are becoming very run down and may be suffering from exhaustion then STOP. Tell the appropriate person, and have an open discussion about how you’re feeling.More often than not they’ll appreciate your honesty and will be able to help you address the problem. Whether it’s a teacher, a lecturer, your friends or even your parents.‘I don’t see my friends anymore’Have you noticed a change in your friendships recently? Like you’ve suddenly gone from knowing everything about your closest friends and what they ate for dinner to hardly knowing anything at all?It might be time to consider a change.That’s because becoming so socially inactive that you miss out on enjoying the very things you love about your life could have a massive impact. Whether it’s on your happiness, or even on your overall productivity.  So live a li ttle. It’s okay to enjoy yourself, as long as you keep a healthy balance on work and play, and you can effectively manage your time.Remember: all work and no play never works out well.‘I need to work on myself for a while’Unfortunately, you’re not always ready for a relationship â€" you just kind of fall into it. The same goes for your career.Sometimes it can be a good thing, and you land on your feet by finding yourself the perfect position. Other times, it can mean you end up doing something that you don’t even enjoy, just because you’re scared to spend some real time getting to know yourself. It could mean taking a course about a topic you’re really passionate about, finding an entry level position or going back to school full-time.Or perhaps you’re studying already, but you’ve just followed a particular path because it seemed easy at the time, instead of thinking whether it will lead you where you really want to go. Without taking the time to know yourself, how will you ever know if you’re even going in the right direction?‘It’s not you, it’s me’The king of the clichés, this phrase sometimes might actually have some truth to it.So if you feel as though work, studies, job hunting, or whatever else you’re going through is the problem, then take a minute to think.What if it isn’t these things that’s the issue? What if there really is more underneath the surface?Rather than always shifting blame or deflecting, why not try to think of ways you may have contributed to the way you are feeling.Try to identify issues within yourself first before assessing issues elsewhere. You might be surprised at exactly what you uncover.For example, maybe you’re struggling with your grades because you’ve chosen a course that doesn’t suit your skills. Or perhaps you’ve been spending too much time working, and you’ve been putting off studying because you only see the short-term gains.Whatever it is, be honest with yourself. Trust me yo u’ll be better off for it.And, when it comes to a new job, career advice or anything else work-related, don’t write off your relationship just yet. reed.co.uk will never dump you â€" I guarantee it.Lydia Randall is reed.co.uk’s first representative exclusively for graduates. If you’re looking for some one-to-one advice, comment below, or tweet Lydia @reedcouk. 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